Consoling someone who is dying

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Our team, or our partner providers, may contact you via a system that can auto-dial. What can I bring you from there? When can I come by and bring you some? Your loved one will continue grieving long after the funeral is over and the cards and flowers have stopped.

The length of the grieving process varies from person to person, but often lasts much longer than most people expect. Your bereaved friend or family member may need your support for months or even years. Continue your support over the long haul.

Stay in touch with the grieving person, periodically checking in, dropping by, or sending letters or cards. Once the funeral is over and the other mourners are gone, and the initial shock of the loss has worn off, your support is more valuable than ever. The pain of bereavement may never fully heal. Be sensitive to the fact that life may never feel the same. The bereaved person may learn to accept the loss.

The pain may lessen in intensity over time, but the sadness may never completely go away. Offer extra support on special days. Certain times and days of the year will be particularly hard for your grieving friend or family member.

Holidays, family milestones, birthdays, and anniversaries often reawaken grief. Be sensitive on these occasions. If a grieving friend or family member talks about suicide, seek help immediately.

Please read Suicide Prevention or call a suicide helpline:. Even very young children feel the pain of bereavement, but they learn how to express their grief by watching the adults around them. After a loss—particularly of a sibling or parent—children need support, stability, and honesty.

They may also need extra reassurance that they will be cared for and kept safe. Answer any questions the child may have as truthfully as you can. Use very simple, honest, and concrete terms when explaining death to a child. Children—especially young children—may blame themselves for what happened and the truth helps them see they are not at fault.

Open communication will smooth the way for a child to express distressing feelings. Because children often express themselves through stories, games, and artwork, encourage this self-expression, and look for clues in those activities about how they are coping. Authors: Melinda Smith, M. American Psychiatric Association. Depressive Disorders. Zisook, S. Grief and bereavement: What psychiatrists need to know. World Psychiatry, 8 2 , 67— Stroebe, M. Health outcomes of bereavement.

The Lancet, , — Share your favorite memories and what he or she means to you and why. Let yourself express your emotions. Your loved one deserves to know how he or she made you feel. Don't miss this opportunity to share your gratitude for his or her presence in your life. Death is one of the most common fears and it's important to approach a fear of death with caution. If your loved one is afraid of death, here are some helpful tips. Tip : It may be easier to have this conversation after you read a book about death positivity or the experience of dying.

The fear of death is real and isn't an easy thing to come to terms with. If your loved one is afraid to die and has shared this with you, there's no need to try and fix it.

All you have to do is listen. Listen with no judgment so your loved one feels safe talking with you. Try to avoid statements like "I can't imagine how you feel," or "If I were you, I would feel As a family member or friend, the best you can do is show up and offer unconditional love.

If your loved one fluctuates between acceptance and denial of death, it's okay. Make space for these feelings and be careful not to make any assumptions about how your loved one might feel. The best thing you can do is show your unwavering support when someone is afraid.

You can offer to coordinate a schedule so that someone is with your loved one at all times if he or she is afraid to die alone.

Your conversations with dying people are different depending on who the person is. One of the best tools to use when talking with a dying person is to trust and let go. Let go of your agenda to control, fix, or steer the conversation. Second, trust yourself to be able to make conversation with your loved one. The way you carry yourself and show up in conversation will make a big impact.

Envision yourself as a channel for what needs to come through — let your loved one lead the way. This decision-making is intended to honor the wishes of the person who is dying, optimize his or her quality of life and support the family.

Issues may include:. Studies demonstrate that this person-centered approach improves care and the quality of people's lives in their last days. People who know they are near the end of life may reflect on their beliefs, values, faith or the meaning of life.

They may have questions about how they will be remembered, or they may think about the need to forgive or be forgiven by another. Others may feel conflicted about their faith or religion. You might listen and ask open-ended questions if the dying person wants to talk about spiritual concerns.

You can read together, play music or share in a religious tradition the person values. A person who is dying may find solace in hearing why you value your relationship and how you will remember him or her.

A person nearing the end of life may be distressed or experience conflicting emotions. You can provide emotional support by listening and being present.

Your physical presence — sitting quietly or holding hands — can be soothing and reassuring. You can also arrange visits with people the dying person wants to see for saying goodbyes or sharing memories. Or you can arrange calls with or share messages from those who can't visit. Creating a calm environment with low lighting and quiet music — and removing distractions — can improve mood, evoke memories and help the person relax.

While it's difficult to know when someone is going to die, there are common signs that may indicate the last days or hours of life. These may include:. It's important to know steps you can take to provide comfort during the last days and hours before death.

Keeping vigil in the last hours of life is a way to show support and love for your family member or friend. If you decide to keep vigil, continue to talk to, touch and comfort the person.